


Rockabye

by eerian_sadow



Series: Mother Allspark [5]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Gen, Grief, Mentions of canon character death, bring all your tissues, sapient allspark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-31
Updated: 2009-05-31
Packaged: 2018-09-19 00:50:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9410315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eerian_sadow/pseuds/eerian_sadow
Summary: Sometimes nothing can be done that will change a course of events, but that doesn't stop the participants from placing the blame on themselves.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: **TISSUES**. i seriously went through nearly a box just writing this thing, so bring tissues.  
> 

It was Jazz who found her, curled up against the Allspark case in Omega Supreme’s cargo hold, when they realized Sari was missing. She looked…sparkbroken, sitting there with tears running down her face and her arms wrapped tightly around her torso. Her entire body trembled as she sobbed and the ninja didn’t quite know how to handle it, but she needed someone to be there for her and Jazz wasn’t sure that Bumblebee would really be up to this job.

“Sari?” he said softly. “What’s wrong, kiddo?”

Not that he didn’t probably know. Prowl’s deactivation was eating away at all of them right now.

“It’s my fault, Jazz,” she replied, voice trembling and thick from crying. “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t destroyed the Key upgrading myself, Prowl wouldn’t have had to… He wouldn’t be…”

The girl couldn’t finish her sentence, but she didn’t need to. Jazz understood exactly what she was saying—and how she was feeling. Carefully, he scooped her up and held her close to his chest plate. She buried her face against his armor and wailed like a lost, broken soul. He let her; she needed this outlet before he could ever begin to talk some sense into her.

When she finally quieted, he asked, “You still with me, sweetspark?”

“Yeah,” Sari said softly.

“Good. I never can tell when you do that “crying yourself to sleep” thing.”

“Prowl never could either.” Her voice cracked on the end of the statement and he thought Sari might cry again, but she didn’t.

“You can’t blame yourself,” Jazz said after a grief-stricken silence. “There’s no way you could have known this was coming.”

“But if I hadn’t used the Key, then we could have used it to give the Allspark enough energy to protect the city! Prowl wouldn’t have had to die!”

Well, that might have been true. _If_ the Key had still been around. “Sari, nobody knew that things were going to happen this way. Prowl did what he had to do with the tools he had at hand. It…” he hesitated for a moment, because the truth was hard to say. “It would have been me, if I had realized what was going on before he did. And I never would have blamed you if it had played out that way. Not ever. You can’t take the blame, Sari, because Prowl chose to sacrifice himself so that everyone else could live.”

“But—”

“No.” Jazz’s voice was firm. He lifted her up so that he could look her in the eyes. “Your Key could maybe have done the same job as Prowl’s spark, but there were four other Allspark shards out there that might have been able to do the same thing. Should we have saved Prowl by deactivating Wreck-Gar or Scrapper?”

“No.” Sari’s voice was more miserable than it had been when they started this conversation. “But it isn’t fair! It shouldn’t have been Prowl! It shouldn’t have been him.”

He held her close to his spark as she started crying again. It shouldn’t have been Prowl, she was right about that, but it shouldn’t have been any of them either. No one should have deactivated that day, but Prowl had made the tough decision at a moment when there wasn’t time to find other options.

“He sacrificed himself to save the future,” Jazz heard himself saying. It could have been Master Yoketron coming out of his vocalizer, and that realization had a strangely soothing effect on his spark.

“What?” Sari hadn’t stopped crying, but she had heard him.

“He sacrificed himself to save the future. He gave his spark so that you and Wreck-Gar and the Constructicons would have a chance to live.”

“Not helping.” Her tone gave the slightest lie to her words.

“Maybe not right now,” Jazz agreed. “Maybe it won’t ever really help you understand or stop blaming yourself. But it’s the truth. Prowl loved you, and he showed it by giving you another tomorrow.”

“I’d rather have him here, telling me and Bumblebee that the music was too loud or that I needed to be going home before my father started worrying. I miss him so much.”

“I know, baby girl. I know exactly what you mean.” He had lain through that first Earth night without Prowl on the other side of the room feeling like part of his life had just…vanished.

Jazz sat down, still holding Sari, next to the Allspark. It was as close as either of them could get to Prowl now. He wanted to say something else, but there weren’t really any words left. They would have to heal their grief with time and the comfort of friends.

He felt himself slipping into recharge as they sat—and he knew Sari was probably asleep—but he couldn’t make himself move. The Allspark was calming, kind of like coming home to his creators, and he wanted that comfort even if it couldn’t last. As his optics powered down, Jazz swore he felt two strong arms wrap around him and Prowl’s sparkbeat next to his face.

_I’m so sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye, Jazz._

_Prowl?_

_Take care of them for me. There’s still so much left for them all. And Optimus will need your support._

_Prowl…_ There were so many things he wanted to say, and now he couldn’t think of any of them. He was so tired, and recharge was moving past the point where he could fight it off. But nothing could make him forget the little girl he was trying to take care of. _Prowl, can you tell Sari you don’t blame her? It’s tearing her up inside._

_I’ll…do what I can._

_My foundling child needs a mother’s touch as well. Rest now, dear Jazz, you’ve done more than enough. Everything will be all right._

Jazz didn’t know the new voice, but it was as comforting as Prowl’s phantom limbs—even if he was just hallucinating them—and he dropped into recharge without any more fighting. He hoped she was right.  



End file.
